DONKEY, Shrek the Halls (2007)
I know someone who knows someone who knows an elf. And if any of you acts up, so help me I will call Santa and tell him you want socks for Christmas! Are you willing to risk that?
LYNETTE SCAVO, Desperate Housewives, "Pilot" (2004)
I like everything about Christmas. Except the Chipmunk Song... and shopping. I hate shopping, I never know what to get anyone.
ABBY SCIUTO, Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service, "Silent Night" (2008)
You all think Christmas just happens. You think all this goodwill just falls from the freakin' sky? Well, it doesn't! It falls out of my holly jolly butt! So you can cook your own damn turkey. Wrap your own damn presents. And hey, while you're at it, you can all ride a one horse open sleigh to hell!
LOIS GRIFFIN, Family Guy (1999)
We got so caught up in the little things of Christmas, like love and family, that we almost forgot it's buying things that makes our economy thrive!
DIANE CHOKSONDIK, South Park, "A Very Crappy Christmas" (2000)
If TV has taught me anything, it's that miracles always happen to poor kids at Christmas. It happened to Tiny Tim, it happened to Charlie Brown, it happened to the Smurfs, and it's gonna happen to us.
BART SIMPSON, The Simpsons, "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire" (1989)
Out upon "Merry Christmas"! What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer; a time for balancing your books and having every item in 'em through a round dozen of months presented dead against you? If I could work my will, every idiot who goes about with "Merry Christmas" on his lips, should be boiled in his own pudding and buried with a stake of holly through his heart!
EBENEZER SCROOGE, A Christmas Carol (2009)
There are many things from which I might have derived good, by which I have not profited. I dare say, Christmas among the rest. But I am sure I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round - apart from the veneration due to its sacred name and origin, if anything belonging to it can be apart from that - as a good time: a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time. The only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow-passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys. And therefore, Uncle, though it has never put a scrap of gold or silver in my pocket, I believe that it has done me good, and will do me good; and I say, "God bless it"!
FRED, A Christmas Carol (2009)
Christmas is awesome. First of all you get to spend time with people you love. Secondly, you can get drunk and no one can say anything. Third, you give presents. What's better than giving presents? And fourth, getting presents. So four things. Not bad for one day. It's really the greatest day of all time.
MICHAEL SCOTT, The Office, "Christmas Party" (2005)
I hate Christmas. The mall is full of nothing but women and children. All you hear is "I want this", "Get me this", "I have to have this"... and then there's the children. And they're all by my store 'cause they stuck the mall Santa right outside ringing his stupid bell. As if you need a bell to notice a 300-pound alcoholic in a red suit. "Ho, ho, ho," all day long. So, nice as can be, I go outside, ask him to shut the hell up. He takes a swing at me. So I lay a hook into his fat belly and he goes down. Beard comes off, all the kids start crying and I'm the bad guy.
AL BUNDY, Married with Children, "It's a Bundyful Life: Part 1" (1989)