House M.D. Quotes (2004-present)
You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic.

DR. GREGORY HOUSE, "House vs. God" (2006)

Anybody can hate humanity after getting shot. Takes a big man to hate it beforehand!

DR. GREGORY HOUSE, "The Itch" (2008)

Religion is a symptom of irrational belief and groundless hope.

DR. GREGORY HOUSE, "Don't Ever Change" (2008)

Sex could kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you're lifting three times your body weight. It's violent. It's ugly. And it's messy. And if God hadn't made it unbelievably fun, the human race would have died out eons ago.

DR. ALLISON CAMERON, "Occam's Razor" (2004)

There's two things we get stupid for: money and sex.

DR. GREGORY HOUSE, "Sex Kills" (2006)

Beauty often seduces us on the road to truth.

DR. JAMES WILSON, "Occam's Razor" (2004)

There is no medicine like happiness. Except maybe laughter. Or rubber tubes shoved up your urethra.

DR. GREGORY HOUSE, "Top Secret" (2007)

As your lawyer, I can't stop you from lying. I can't even be in the room. But I would be remiss if I didn't prep you to lie better.

STACY WARNER, "The Mistake" (2005)

Billionaires buy movie studios to get laid; they buy hospitals to get respect.

DR. JAMES WILSON, "Control" (2005)

There's more to being a leader than being a jerk!

DR. ALLISON CAMERON, "Deception" (2005)

House M.D. Quotes - page 2

House M.D. Quotes - page 3

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