Judaism Quotes
This morning, for the first time in perhaps fifty years, I put on philacteries, borrowed from a pious old man next door; and I mean to do this in all the days remaining to me on this sick and stricken Earth. Taking it all in, from that moment in my youth when I turned my back on my religion, until this morning, when I entered SS headquarters, I have spent my life on the run. But now I turn and stand. I am a Jew. Thus I answer Eichmann.

AARON JASTROW, War and Remembrance, "Part 8" (1989)

There's this part of Judaism that I like. Tikun Olam. It said that the world is broken into pieces and everyone has to find them and put them back together.

NORAH, Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist (2008)

How come I'm Jewish and I'm the only one with the Christmas spirit? Come to think of it how come I'm the only Jew in a comedy writer's room?

MATT ALBIE, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, "The Christmas Show" (2006)

I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? Hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? Fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that. If a Jew wrong a Christian, what is his humility? Revenge. If a Christian wrong a Jew, what should his sufferance be by Christian example? Why, revenge. The villainy you teach me, I will execute, and it shall go hard but I will better the instruction

SHYLOCK, The Merchant of Venice (2004)

He hath disgraced me and hindered me half a million, laughed at my losses, mocked at my gains, scorned my nation, thwarted my bargains, cooled my friends, heated mine enemies; and what's his reason? I am a Jew.

SHYLOCK, The Merchant of Venice (2004)

You know, a lot of people have accused South Park of anti-Semitism, but I'm Jewish, and so I can say with some certainty that I am not anti-Semitic.

MATT STONE, South Park (1997)

You're not too Jewish to worship Jesus, are you?

PRIEST MAXI, South Park (1997)

I'm Jewish. And her family is, you know, incredibly not. Which isn't, by the way, any sort of a problem for me. But I do think it might be a problem for them, because, after all there are those who think I killed their Lord, Jesus Christ. Not me directly, mind you, I didn't drive the getaway car or anything. In fact, my family's from Latvia so we've got a pretty solid alibi.

JEREMY GOODWIN, Sports Night, "Sally" (1999)

It takes a lot more to being Jewish than just cooking. There's a whole other wiener you gotta schnitzel, Mister.

FRAN FINE, The Nanny, "The Passed-Over Story" (1997)

It's Hava Nagila! It's not an Irish song! It's an ancient Hebrew song about...something Jewish!

GRACE ADLER, Will & Grace (1998)

Judaism Quotes - page 2

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